A Mother's Tribute: How Do I Live Without You?

The night of 14 May 2026 changed our lives forever.

In a single moment, the future we had imagined vanished, and our family was left navigating a depth of grief that I never knew existed.

Our sweet, kind and loving Nat died without warning. I checked in on them before going to bed, as I had done countless times before, and they were gone.

Since that night, the song How Do I Live has played repeatedly in my mind.

"How do I live without you, now that you're gone?

How could I ever, ever survive?"

It is a question I ask myself every day.

As I look back over the last year, I realise how incredibly blessed I was. Through working alongside Nat in Zosimos Curra®, I came to know Nat in ways that many parents only dream of. I witnessed their creativity, their determination, their compassion and their hopes for the future. While that closeness is now one of my greatest comforts, it has also deepened the heartache. I knew their dreams, and I knew the person they were becoming.

I didn't know then that this would be the last photograph of us together. 💔

The truth is that Nat worked harder than most people ever realised. Life did not come easily to them, they navigated a world that often misunderstood their autism, yet they continued to create, to learn, to grow and to care deeply for others.

They possessed a quiet courage and resilience that inspired everyone fortunate enough to know them.

In the early hours of one sleepless morning, before the sun had risen, I sat beside Nat's photograph, lit a candle, and asked them to help me find the words for the eulogy I would deliver at their funeral.

For those who were unable to attend, these are the words that came to me through tears, heartbreak, love and immeasurable pride.

My darling Nat, the most beautiful soul with a compassion and kindness that new no depth. The most amazing, talented and misunderstood child. You were just coming into your own, working through all your challenges with courage, dealing with past traumas with a quiet resolve, and continuing to evolve into the person you felt comfortable to be.

It’s easy for people to remember the loving, quirky, talented and confident teen you were becoming, I don’t want people to forget how hard you fought and worked to navigate through life in a society that did not fully understand and support your neurodivergence.

Whilst your childhood had been made difficult due to your autism and our lack of awareness, we learned and grew together. Working so closely with you over the last year in your business has given me the greatest insights into how wonderful a person you were, your dreams, aspirations and the depth of your love and commitment to everyone you met.

Your kindness knew no bounds and since your passing people have reached out to tell me how you have touched their lives. You were a mentor and teacher to so many of your friends and in particular Daydream Machine participants. You helped inspire others to find their own voice and expression through art and music. In your own unique way, you taught many of us adults a number of lessons too.

I will especially miss our karaoke in the car moments and will fondly remember our surprise trip to Melbourne for yiayia’s birthday, where we sang and wrote blogs all the way down. Only you would go along with such a crazy impromptu plan like “want to drive to Melbourne to surprise yiayia on her birthday and then drive back to Canberra the next day?”

I am going to work hard not to let the dreams we shared die too, and whilst I don’t know right now what the way forward should be, I truly believe in time you will guide me.

I am grateful for every moment we shared and every milestone we celebrated. For all the times you went along with all my adhoc and impromptu ideas, I know many of which pushed you to the edge of your comfort zone, and some beyond. We used to joke about how I was Magbean in your stories and you were Magbroccoli being rushed.

I got to know you in ways that other parents only dream of.

Thank you for all the times you expressed during our dinner conversations how grateful you were to be born into our family, it brings Shane and I some comfort to know that in our role as parents, we did something right. Knowing that you felt loved, supported and more importantly accepted for who you were is the greatest gift you could ever give us.

I am totally shattered! You were struggling to find your place in the world as a newly fledged adult and I kept telling you not to rush as you had the rest of your life to figure that out, and now you’re gone.

I just don’t understand why you were taken from us. It is so cruel your life was cut short like this. Somehow I will find a way to continue your legacy as an advocate to bring awareness to the challenges neurodivergent people face in a society that is not designed for them, as well as find a way to share the books that remain to be illustrated. The messages you wanted to share with the world need to be seen.

You will live eternally in everyone’s hearts and minds my love. Words cannot express how much you will be missed by your family and friends.

I love you and know we will be reunited at some point in the future. Fly high my angel.

My spirit is broken and I still don't know how to live without you.

Some days I take life one day at a time.

Other days, one hour at a time.

But I will keep carrying your love, your stories, your dreams and your memory with me for the rest of my life.

Until we meet again, my love.

Mum 💚

🕊️ Forever in our hearts 🕊️