More Than a Phase: My Six-Year Journey Through Identity

When you’re a kid, you don’t usually have the language to describe who you are. You just know you’re trying to figure it out. Sometimes that’s a quick discovery, sometimes it’s a long, winding journey.

For me, it was definitely the long kind. Over six years, I tried on more labels than most people in my life could keep up with. Each one felt right for a while...until it didn’t. But every step taught me something important about who I am today.

Mum used to tell me that labels could limit my potential. At the time, she was right, because they felt like boxes I didn’t want to be trapped in. But once I began to truly understand myself, I realised labels don’t have to be cages. They can be expanded, reshaped, and reclaimed to show more than just a stereotype.

When I first learned about the LGBT community, I’ll admit, I only knew what the media showed, and most of that was negative. I jumped on the hate bandwagon, and just as quickly, I jumped off. That week, I thought: maybe this is a chance to explore who I am.

Scrolling through social media, I stumbled across a term I’d never heard before: Aromantic. I got curious, did some research, and it fit perfectly. Still does. That part of my identity was a discovery, not a journey. But the rest of my story took years.

First came gender. I never really felt like a girl, so I thought: Huh… demigirl! Half girl, half non-binary. That seemed to make sense.

Then came sexuality. I liked people regardless of their gender, so I thought I was bisexual, until I learned about pansexuality. That felt more accurate.

Back to gender. I liked being mistaken for a boy. My favourite clothes were hand-me-downs from my brother. I was into things “for boys” but still enjoyed some things “for girls.” So I thought: I’m all of them, pangender!

Then back to sexuality. I didn’t feel sexual attraction at all, which seemed normal for my age, so I called myself asexual. I learned there was a term for being both asexual and aromantic: AroAce. That label stuck for a while.

Then came another shift in gender. Why was I basing my identity on society’s idea of gendered items and roles? I knew I didn’t like being a girl and never had. I thought demiboy might be the answer. Spoiler: it wasn’t.

Sexuality came back around. I realised I liked people regardless of gender, but had a slight preference, which lead me to identify as omnisexual. For a while, I called myself an AroAce omnisexual demiboy.

A year later, the truth started to surface.

Not liking sexual things as a kid is totally normal, but that’s not how I feel now. As for who I’m attracted to, I’m still figuring that out. I know I’ve never felt romantic attraction, and I still don’t.

Gender? At this point… what even is it? I exist, and that’s what matters. It doesn’t matter whether I “have” a gender or not. Agender fits best: no particular gender. I still like masculine and androgynous pronouns (he/him, they/them), but pronouns aren’t the same as gender.

Now that I’ve found this understanding of myself, I can live life as me. Some people thought it was just a phase because of how many labels I went through, but it was never a phase.

It was a six-year journey!

Thanks for reading my story. Everyone’s journey is different, and this is mine.

I’m still learning. Still growing. Still existing as me.

And that’s more than enough.

💚 Nat (he/they)